Greetings,
My flight's tomorrow. and i've got heaps of work to do. didn't do anything during holidays and i know it'll give a bad impression. i don't know why. now.. i just don't bother and i don't care. had a great raya.. so to speak. it's okay lah.. not bad.
and currently, in a confused mode. i certainly am. it's like i have these clouds over my head. d'oh! that's the title of my blog. Yay.. konpius betul nih. i tot i had the right decision. but the same decision leads me to a somewhat familiar zone.. a dejavu again. leaves me with this question, should i fight or should i flight.
previously, i fought for quite some time, and later realized that my fought was not being appreciated, and i flight the scene. and now..the same thing happen again. *sigh*
Wak, kalau la awak tau what goes through my head..i don't know if it's worth fighting for, i need to go for a free fall.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Infuriation
I don't know why, i suddenly erupted. i hate it when people criticized me without any valid justification. When will this end? GRRRRRRRRRr....
and again, i lost my temper today.
and again, i lost my temper today.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
hv u ever...?
There are times when i felt that the world are against me. as in the whole family are against me. wht ever i did is always wrong. as if there are conspiracies in my family. or i'm just being paranoid. or i'm just being annoying. i just don't understand mom and my sis. i don't. i don't even see the resemblance between me and my mom. Everything she does is perfect (not all..mostly are far from perfect). trying to be nice, i won't dare to say anything. let her think that way, and i'll just let her find out her own mistakes. she's a mother, that's what mothers always do.
whenever i'm angry, or there's something that is not right, i'd prefer to go for silent treatment. because i know, if i open up my mouth, bitter words would fly out of my mouth. i'm trying my best not to be selfish, i've always been. i've always put my family before myself, and look what happened... i don't blame my family, instead, i'm blaming myself. it's hard when i'm a self-critical person. but my family don't see me like this do they? they think i'm too self-absorbed and too lazy to think about others.
it's hard, it's hard to let it out to my own parents. it's hard. it's hard for me to explain the relationship, the situation. it always made me cry, whenver there's a crisis between me and my family, the first thing i do is broke down and cried. i caved in. crying's the best solution since ever. and i still haven't found the cure yet. i wish i can tell/talk to my friends, but sometimes it's hard. i'm not against my parents at all. there are times i wish they would stop, and listen. that's all i'm asking. love me for what i am, not who am i. i love them for what they are not who they are. i don't hate them. i can give hundreds of reason to hate them, but yet there are millions of reason not to.
whenever i'm angry, or there's something that is not right, i'd prefer to go for silent treatment. because i know, if i open up my mouth, bitter words would fly out of my mouth. i'm trying my best not to be selfish, i've always been. i've always put my family before myself, and look what happened... i don't blame my family, instead, i'm blaming myself. it's hard when i'm a self-critical person. but my family don't see me like this do they? they think i'm too self-absorbed and too lazy to think about others.
it's hard, it's hard to let it out to my own parents. it's hard. it's hard for me to explain the relationship, the situation. it always made me cry, whenver there's a crisis between me and my family, the first thing i do is broke down and cried. i caved in. crying's the best solution since ever. and i still haven't found the cure yet. i wish i can tell/talk to my friends, but sometimes it's hard. i'm not against my parents at all. there are times i wish they would stop, and listen. that's all i'm asking. love me for what i am, not who am i. i love them for what they are not who they are. i don't hate them. i can give hundreds of reason to hate them, but yet there are millions of reason not to.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Walking down memory lane
Few weeks ago, I lost my phone. not that i lost it, but it totally broke down. RIP T610. After 4 years, I'd say you were the best i've had. Well, you were my 2nd phone anyway. So, based on history, i will only change phone when it doesn't work..at all. period. my first phone was 4y/o before it was stolen, and then T610 took 5 years to totally losing it.
So, in desperate for a new phone, my parents gave me a simple phone. when i say simple, i mean it. to cut it short, i lost all my contacts, as i didn't save it in the sim-card, and T610 didn't have any external memory card. So, as i browsed through my sim card, i realized there were many names that i couldn't recall.. like.. who? even if i did, i couldn't recall how s/he looks like. it reminded me of times i had in sabah, doing my diploma. and during hard times, when things falling apart. it's hard. it was. and i don't want to recall.
Sorry to say, i've deleted most of my contacts in my sim card. I'm sure they've change numbers several times, and i just don't want to keep track of them. i'm sure they won't recognize me anymore, even if we bumped into each other =) no hard feelings. i've been using the same number for the past 6-7 years. (Yay!) If they want to still keep in touch, they know how/where to reach me.
I've been thinking to change number and all, but my friends kept telling me how annoying it is when ppl keep changing their numbers. and I've never bought my own cell phone/mobiles.. and i'm still thinking, when should i bought one for myself.. only time will tell.
So, in desperate for a new phone, my parents gave me a simple phone. when i say simple, i mean it. to cut it short, i lost all my contacts, as i didn't save it in the sim-card, and T610 didn't have any external memory card. So, as i browsed through my sim card, i realized there were many names that i couldn't recall.. like.. who? even if i did, i couldn't recall how s/he looks like. it reminded me of times i had in sabah, doing my diploma. and during hard times, when things falling apart. it's hard. it was. and i don't want to recall.
Sorry to say, i've deleted most of my contacts in my sim card. I'm sure they've change numbers several times, and i just don't want to keep track of them. i'm sure they won't recognize me anymore, even if we bumped into each other =) no hard feelings. i've been using the same number for the past 6-7 years. (Yay!) If they want to still keep in touch, they know how/where to reach me.
I've been thinking to change number and all, but my friends kept telling me how annoying it is when ppl keep changing their numbers. and I've never bought my own cell phone/mobiles.. and i'm still thinking, when should i bought one for myself.. only time will tell.
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