Greetings,
Can't stop crying. tears keep running. am sad, am so disappointed, am more disappointed. but i need to let this out. hoping my brother, whoever it is will find this post one day and knows how disappointed i am. in my life, on my 28, soon 29 years of living, never in my life, i cursed my parents, never ever curse my elder brothers (no matter how bad they treated me), never ever curse the elderly in my family.
and today.. my younger brother cursed me. with the reason, i kept shouting at him. i've been patient for the past 2 years. feeding him, paying his bills, his food. he's sucking everything single sen out of me. i never complain. well, i did once. when the price of fuel was rm2.70/litre. yet, he didn't even bother to consider my financial condition. no sense of responsibility, and thinking of others.
i came from a large family. with 6 boys and 2 girls. i have 2 elder brothers, 4 younger brothers and 1 sister. even during uni days, i was always hesitant whenever i ran out of money and called my parents for more. i kept thinking of my younger siblings, i have 5 more below me for my parents to support. i rarely went for shopping, because i had no money, and couldn't afford to buy things, even extra jeans or shirts. i only buy things according to my needs and not wants. because back in my mind, i can buy on my own when i earn my own money. and that's why i have had only 2 mobile phones for the past 10 years.
but for the rest of my younger siblings, it's different. the spend endlessly. they went to private school, had rm10k for braces. when they run out of money, they came to mom, and complained to me. when they got money, they buy iphone, guitar, rm1000 handphone, keyboard, laptop. when i got my bonus, i treat my younger siblings to pizzas, or dinners before everything else. when i go for shopping, i think of others before i buy something for myself. because its the way it should be. treat your family first, before your friends, or your loved ones (who's not yet in the family).
so, what happened was. i went back to kuching for a week plus. i left my car key for my younger brothers to use. it happened that, my car was hit at parking lot. my brother, A, who used the car didn't manage, or didn't have the courage to tell me, or just couldn't be bothered to tell me at all. the whole time i'm in kuching, he couldn't sms/call me. he couldn't even get it fix, with the reason "i got no money". oh yeah, and just last month, you bought a guitar? he only told me after 1 day i arrived back in KL, when i asked for car key. Until then.. i repeat UNTIL THEN.. he said "your car got hit". when i asked when are you going to fix it? his answer "later..later..later". my understanding, living with him for the past 22years, later means never. like the time i asked him to pick up my laptop that he broke, or the time i asked him to fix the light, or to clean up the room. LATER to A.. means NEVER.
i fixed the car during the week, before chinese new year. i got MC for the day when i visited my ENT for my pulsatile tinnitus. and spent nearly rm100 to get the car fixed, with my left ears kept banging, there goes my rest. did he think about this? NO. he's on study week, with no classes. did he consider me? NO. did he think of fixing the car before CNY? No. now he's back in Kch for 1mnth. and do you think he's going to fix the car? you know the answer.
so this morning, he asked for my car, for my brother to send him to KL sentral. and i asked him, when is he going to fix the car? he said later.. again. i confronted him. he said he got no money. (as usual). suddenly he said 'p*****k'. i was shocked. i am not mad because my car got hit. am mad, because he has no sense of responsibility. he never think of others, he never think of me. how and when am i going to fix the car with CNY around? keeps thinking of himself. never put others before him. never put initiative for others at all. never think of things i did for him. how much i spent for him. he put his gf, his friends before his sister? leave alone to respect me? he sucked every sen out of me, and cursed me. how nice. you went to tahfiz private school, you memorized 10 juzu' of Quran, and u cursed your sister. perfect. Semoga Allah membalas kata-kata/perbuatan A.
i am so disappointed with my brother, for the fact that he cursed me. how low can it get? i didn't mind if he shouted back at me. i didn't mind if he turn his back at me. but to curse me, that is the lowest of the low. this is what came out of my mouth " if i'm going to die soon, i won't forgive you. aku haramkan apa yg dia makan, minum, segala apa yg aku bagi sepanjang dia duduk dgn aku. semoga Allah balas perbuatan A."
Did i say that out of frustration? Yes.
Do i regret? No. I've had enough of putting him before myself.
Is my anger justifiable? You tell me. but i am deeply disappointed. Deeply wounded.
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